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Canis familiaris

We do not own a dog.

We have a family dog who comes to visit when the dog-owning member of the family does.

Sly, beautiful, and deadly. (Not deadly.)

Sly, beautiful, and deadly. (Not deadly.)

We have a neighbourino dog who used to bark through the whole in the fence until we became friends. Now she barks very little and gives a big greyhound grin when she sees us.

We have other neighbourino dogs who valiantly leap their fence and take themselves for walks, usually frequenting our garden en route.

We do not own a dog, although we have many dogs.

Last night, the dog-owning member of the family and the dog were over for dinner. There was thunder about and said dog was sitting on M’s lap, bravely trembling. She’s small, but not very small; she’s not very brave, but slightly brave. The neighbour’s dog who used to bark through the whole in the fence came in. It was a nice night, we had the back doors open, just basking in the cool breeze and is that a greyhound?

Neighbourino dog did not care for storms. Neighbourino dog spotted the obvious solution: she too would seek comfort on M’s lap. It was sure crowded there for a wee while. We discouraged neighbourino greyhound as best we could, but I didn’t have the heart nor M the lap to send her off into the terrifying DOGAPOCALYPSE that her world had become. So we reached a compromise: we all sat on the back porch. The dogs trembled under the back table, staring in opposite directions and panting with terror. If anyone went for a little stroll up the deck or to see if it was actually raining yet, they were immediately followed by hairy satellites with snug orbits and gassy rings. It was hard times for dogs.

Then neighbourino dog heard a noise in her yard and galloped bravely into the stormy evening to defend her turf and maybe score a dinner. Family dog panted nervously on the couch and pretended to watch Spongebob with us.

And so all our dogs went home.

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