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After a few weeks’ grizzling around the place with a sore back (sleeping with a pillow under your knees is a compromise: your back stops hurting but you do feel like you’re laying in a bucket), I’m finally up and about. Sleeping right, walking properly (not waddling about like I’m trying to hold in farts), and generally back and kicking pants. A sore back tends to mean you’re not so keen on standing around, so I’ve not been cooking anything more demanding than porridge. UNTIL NOW. This weekend I was well and truly in form, with a focaccia and two loaves of fruit bread done by Saturday afternoon tea. Realising we had one squashy banana and one subpar apple, both of which deserved using, my path was initially clear: a cake! Banana suggests Hummingbird Cake, and apple suggests Lumberjack cake. But I didn’t have walnuts or dates, which you need for Hummingbird and Lumberjack cakes, respectively, and I wanted to make it vegan.


Challenge accepted.

Presenting the Humberjackingbird cake. Or Lummingback cake. Or Humlummingberbirdjack cake. Or (my personal favourite) the Humpingbird cake! A vegan conglomeration of everything delicious in cakes! With toffee! WOW!

Sticky with genius.

Sticky with genius.

Adapted from about fifteen recipes across the Internet, these babies are moist and delicious and easy! Mix the wet, mix the dry, bung in the cupcake papers and BAKE THOSE SUCKAHS.

Wet ingredients

  • 1 overripe — like, seriously overripe — banana, mashed or otherwise pulpified.
  • ½ 440g tin of pineapple slices in juice, whirred in the blender.
  • 1 apple, grated.
  • ¼ cup of canola oil.
  • ½ cup brown sugar.
  • A generous splash of vanilla essence.
  • ½ cup of shredded dessicated coconut.
  • A couple of handfuls of sultanas.

Dry ingredients

  • 1 ¼ cups of plain white flour.
  • A couple of generous teaspoons of ground cinnamon.
  • 2 generous teaspoons of baking powder.
  • ½ teaspoon of baking soda.

Mix these ingredients in two bowls, and then combine them in one glorious bowl! Mix until just combined, and then lovingly spoon into pattypans or muffin tins to bake. Mine (which were on the smallish side) took about 20 minutes at 180°C. Put them on a rack to cool so they don’t get soggy bottoms.

And then — spurred on by M’s suggestion — I dribbled toffee over them! That was a stroke of brilliance. To make toffee, you put white sugar in a saucepan and stir it constantly until it turns into a golden syrup: for the love of all things pleasant, don’t get toffee on you or OH MY GOD lick the spoon. You’ll burn so badly bards will write awful songs about you. Once you’ve successfully made song-free toffee, crowd your cold cupcakes together on a breadboard or a sheet of baking paper, and, using a spoon or a steady saucepan-holding hand, drizzle the toffee back and forth over them. The goal isn’t to coat each cupcake top, the goal is to get a drizzled, weavy effect. Let it go cold before you start chomping down: frankly, once you taste these babies, with the crunchy nibbles of toffee on top, you’re not going to stop at just four, so you’d better be damn sure the toffee is cold and crunchy and approachable.

Got it? Awesome. Make them and thank me in the comments.

*drops microphone* *walks off stage*

{ 2 } Comments

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