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Breakfast Pie

It’s only 25°C right now and that’s so balmy I’m giddy with it. So I did the sensible thing: toasted muesli, baked more bread, and then cooked an amazingly pink breakfast pie. I bought some stalks of rhubarb, which I showed to my own growing rhubarb seedlings to show them what they’re aiming for, with the assumption I would stew them: that’s what you do with rhubarb. (Turns out there’s a whole world of roasting I’ve only just heard about.) Then M hinted at the idea of a pie, one with a crumbly muesli topping, and my imagination was off like a dog through a hole in the fence.

This baby has a chewy oatmeal crust, a thick rhubarb and apple filling, and a crunchy muesli topping.

Corner shot. Just to tease you. Oh yeah. Corner of a round pie.

Here’s how it happens.


  • about 2 cups of oat flour (take slightly more than 2 cups of rolled oats and whirr in the food processor until they make flour)
  • about 45g butter, melted
  • a dash of salt

Mix them all together and then press into the pie dish, making the crust. This is a little drier than you normally would make a crushed-biscuit crust, because the juice from the stewed fruit is going to sink into it. Oh yes, it is.


  • a standard farmers’ markets bunch of rhubarb, washed and chopped small
  • an apple, peeled, cored and sliced — peel it in one long strand if you can, if you want to fish it out later
    some boiling water, around 1.5 cups
  • about six generous tablespoons of sugar
  • spices, misc: I used cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and vanilla essence because that’s how one rolls

A word on apple peels: I added the peel to add some pectin, and kept it in one long strand so I could fish it out. Whether you do either is entirely your call. Mix all the filling ingredients together, add hot and cook through. Mine took about ten minutes or so. If you, like I, have only a slightly-too-small saucepan available, you might want to cook the rhubarb in batches. Or do this:

Pinkly burbling: also my nom de plume for my line of Edwardian-era erotica.

This technique is known as “overfilling” or “pressing your luck” (advanced performance of this skill is known as “fucking around”): stir carefully.

Bake the unfilled crust for 8 minutes at 220°C. Fill with the filling: don’t pour too enthusiastically, or it’ll push the crust crumbs aside. Your best bet is to scoop slowly, then pour the last of the juice in. Return to the oven and bake for 25 minutes.

Pro tip: do not smear on self and attempt to lick clean. I know, it’s tough.

BONUS ROUND: Add some toasted muesli over the top, and then bake for another 5 minutes. That’s if you want some additional crunchy goodness, with nuts and seeds and so on. Entirely optional. Here’s the after shot:


Serve with thick Greek-style yoghurt for Extra Fancy points. That’s how you have a breakfast, son.

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