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Black Coffee update: Coffee and a slice of humble pie

Okay, I’m sorry Black Coffee tunic. It was out of line for me to gripe so noisily about the length of your collar. I believed I described it as a load of codswollop-sprinkled bullshit that I should have to knit for nine inches. And I was right, but my anger was misdirected. Next time I promise I’ll read the pattern properly before venting spleen. Four inches, you said. Four. So after I ripped back to four inches, and then experimented with five different bindings-off (to punish myself for my public vitriol), each sloppier than the last, I finally bound off the collar for Black Coffee.

And then I played with self-portraiture, wherein I learned much.

1. Timers don’t work if the camera hasn’t got a reliable balance point and needs to be propped up on something.

Photobombed by a tripod-stand-in

Here we see the edge of the black plastic thingo I balanced the camera on while the timer counted down. Note the flailing arm indicating lack of preparedness or poise.

2. Holding the camera at arm’s length only works for people with normal-length or longer arms.

Not pictured: arm length.

But at least this photo illuminates my concern with the collar of Black Coffee, vis possibly too big and gapey. Rather than swaddled luxuriously around my neck, it hangs open so I look like a turtle looking out of a bucket.

3. This doesn’t work:

The view from here.

Time spent learning is never time wasted, I have heard. Black Coffee needs armhole tidying (pick up sts around each armhole, work a row or two, bind off neatly) and some Serious Thinking about the collar. Options include:

  • ignoring it
  • ripping back and making it a snug turtleneck instead of a cowl
I’ll be honest, there wasn’t any need for that list (if you can call it a list). I know what I’m going to do. I just wanted to make it sound like I put more thought into than holding it up and going ‘nah, s’fukt: redo!’.

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