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A case of the shoulds

It’s Sunday and I’m sitting here with a coffee and a case of the shoulds. I should finish cooking and packing my lunches for the week. I should finish the two saved-but-not-really-written blog posts open in the other browser tabs. I should start the edits and rewrites on the short story I wrote yesterday. I should play my clarinet. I should mow the lawn. At the very least, I should stop reading random Ravelry threads and looking for pictures of moose smiling.

Work has been mondo busy, which means a fair bit of my day is spent in the headspace of “if I had today at home, I would totally…” or “if only I wasn’t at work: I would…”. So when I get some free time, I feel like I’ve got a whole bunch of promises to bethini in the past to fulfil.

Doctor, doctor, I’ve got the shoulds!

I should get up and read the book I’m into at the moment.  Or I should get my sewing machine out and fix up those couple of tops that just need a slight adjustment to be completely awesome.

Decision making has never been a strong skill of mine; add to that some general, garden-variety fatigue from staying up too late and sleeping badly, whisk well, and you’ve got yourself a fine batter for shouldcakes. I should make my bed. I should stop sitting here eating dates, cashews and almonds.

Shoulds make me itchy. They make me wonder if I’m doing all I can do to make my life spectacularly awesome. They make me worry that chilling on a big cushion on the floor with elephants on it is somehow wasteful of the precious gift of time. I think that’s a bit like saying that sipping wine slowly, rolling it around in your mouth and thinking about its flavours is a waste of the gift of wine.

I give you...dark knitting and elephants!

I’m having a really nice day. I roasted some coffee and cleaned up; I went to the markets and relaxed outside; I’ve been reading some really interesting feminist blogs, working on a new knitting project and planning out some smaller side projects — the echoing roar of shoulds would suggest I’m idle and worried about it, but life is rolling along sweetly.  The shoulds spring from feeling like I have a responsibility to do certain things just because I wanted to earlier: since they’re self-imposed, I can waive them at my leisure. Done! Ahh.

Hope your Sunday is as good as mine, even if you had some shoulds bugging you.

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