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Just trying not to draw attention to myself

I’m half-baking everything at the moment: I keep finding browser tabs open with half-finished entries for blog posts and haven’t the faintest idea what it was I was trying to get at.  I keep discovering half-drunk cups of tea that I’m pretty sure are my fault.  I look around and there’s a book I’ve been meaning to read laying on the table and I think “huh, someone beat me to it” until I remember that I left the damn thing there and just don’t remember doing so.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to turn around and find something on fire because I started cooking it and then wandered off.  It’s getting dicey.

I finished knitting my second Intolerable Cruelty, but it is not done. I have woven in my ends, I have crocheted the corset-lacing loops up the back, but I cannot apparently fold the elastic casing over the elastic and sew it down without ballsing things up in a fashion that can only be described as spectacular. Nevermind that I have done this once before on another Intolerable Cruelty.  Nevermind that there is a handy-dandy purled turning row to ensure that folding the elastic casing folds neatly and easily and in a very straightforward fashion. Nevermind that sewing a flap down is perhaps the easiest thing I can possibly do with a darning needle and length of yarn. It is not happening. I have tried three times now, and each time has resulted in a course of surprise, swearing, frustration and unpicking. I mentioned in an earlier post that I have a deep superstition woven into every stitch of that skirt now: I cast it on at the same time I got sick, and I am convinced it will be done the day I am completely better.  At first I thought this would be through some miraculous coincidence of spirit and yarn or some beautiful synchronicity — but now I realise that Intolerable Cruelty is a hurdle track, and only when I am well enough will have the mental capacity to jump over that final hurdle (i.e. sewing a freaking flap shut). So I’ll use it as a litmus test: every so often, I’ll have another go at executing this very simple (VERY simple) final step, and when I am successful, when I am feeling bold and clear-headed and can successfully sew the flap shut, I’ll know I’m back on top. A consummation devoutly to be wish’d, I gotta tell ya.

So, for now, I’m paring things back.  A smarter person would have done this sooner, but let’s leave such discussion to the experts. I am sitting quietly in bed, reading and knitting, knitting and reading. (I am so glad I can do both at the same time.) I’m going to leave a decoy knitting bethini at strategic locations around the house so that the Knitting Fates can have their sport with them and not me; I’m going to cast on the garter stitch bottom of Knitty’s Everlasting Bagstopper and move quietly and cautiously. Surely I can’t stuff up a garter stitch bag bottom? There’s no gauge to worry about, since there’s no sizing issues really, and I’m sure that even I with my currently diminished faculties, can manage a little garter stitch? Right?

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