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Argh! she said and she waved her wooden leg.

Oy, what a day I had yesterday. Not cool. No pictures in this post, ‘cos I’m blogging in my lunchbreak at work.

I had an awesome weekend, although a tiring one: knitting feverishly on M’s birthday present, breakfast with friends, paddleboating and market browsing with other friends, party with more friends, lunch with my family, dinner and drinks in the evening with M’s family. Wonderful, but tiring (especially the paddleboating).

That should provide some context. So I didn’t get nearly enough sleep on Monday and, well, the day descended from there. I was so tired that I found myself opening cupboards and just…looking. Couldn’t, for the life of me, remember why I wanted to open said cupboards, and so I had to walk around aimlessly while my memory came to the party. Work was simply hectic and awful. One of those days where you get a ‘lunch break’ only in name, and at the end of the day, while I stared at my computer trying to remember how to make it switch off (it’s not complicated, but I was a bit absent) I realised I had worked without a break all day long. I know this isn’t unusual in some occupations, but the nature of my work means that it was bizarre. I was buggered. Completely spanked.

It got worse. Allow me to tell you about our Lawnmower. Or, as I like to call it, the HatePooper. I figure that if a device is named “noun-verber”, then it should at least be accurate. Oh, how I hate our lawnmower. Hate hate hate. And while I push it around the yard like a giant demented wind-up toy, it poops out more hate, which I step in and then smell all day. We bought it in November last year and have used it once (read that again); on its maiden voyage, the front left wheel fell off and went under the blades. Oh how we laughed! The design of the wheels is so bad that they simply unscrew while you push the beast. You have to either be careful and re-screw them every couple of minutes, or you have to accept that the HatePooper is going to chew up a lot of wheels. We took it to the hardware shop we had bought it from, understandably ruffled, and were promised a quick replacement. Well. November ended. December came and went. We popped over to Europe for four weeks. We came back. February bloomed: still no wheel. I was calling all the time, assured it would be here soon. Eventually I spoke to a different person, who was horrified I had waited so long and got the parts to me in a few days.

To recap: the HatePooper was bought, used once, waited MONTHS for replacement, and that brings us to yesterday. We have a real estate inspection today, so we decided to trim the lawn to make it look like we gave a crap about it. As it’s entirely dead, it was largely a hollow gesture, but I digress. So I put the HatePooper’s new wheel on and off I chugged. Then, about two minuets into it, the other wheel fell off. Want to go over that? The OTHER wheel FELL OFF.

There are not words. (Well, there are, but I’m trying to build up a readership here, so I’m not going to proudly display my fine, flexible vocabulary of curses just yet. Besides, this post’s long enough already.) I stormed into the house and planned out foul letters to the HatePooper’s production company, to outraged to sit still. Eventually M came home to find me in tears of fury at the HatePooper. He reattached the wheel and we came up with an adjustment to the incredibly bad design and set me on my way. The lawn is tiny, but I was so frustrated and sick of the whole thing that I decided just to mow the long bits (half a dozen weeds or so) and leave the rest. It’s so dead it hasn’t grown all summer, so what difference does it make. Oh, it sucked.

I haven’t done any yoga for over a week now, and I’m feeling it. I feel weak and stiff, and kinda pissy at everything. When I do yoga regularly, I feel all prancey and light, and I laugh things off with a gay trill. Still, I don’t foresee any problems tonight, so maybe tonight will be the night I practise my yoga! I can only hope.

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